Practice Makes Perfect...or Does It???

OK...so we've all heard the saying, "Practice makes perfect."...then as you get older you find a few coaches in the athletic world that prefer the Vince Lombardi quote, "Practice does not make perfect. Only perfect practice makes perfect..."  You may prefer one over the other.  But if you ask me (which you did because this is my blog!) I prefer neither!!  You see, for someone like me who has struggled with perfectionism her entire life...these statements feel like a death sentence!

If you're not a perfectionist, then please...still hang in there with me, and let me help you understand living life in the eye's of a struggling perfectionist.

Some people can confuse perfectionism with competitiveness.  Now, don't get me wrong I'm am 100% competitive; however, being a perfectionist often sucks all of the fun out of competition.  I remember my first hint of perfectionism coming in Kindergarten.  I was 5 years old (soon to be 6 because it was nearing the end of the school year).  Pendleton's South Elementary was holding a Kindergarten Olympics.  I suppose this was my generation's version of the track and field day that current elementary schools are doing.  Instead of the Kindergarten Olympics being held at a track, it was held out at the park in downtown Pendleton.  The last event of the day, and the one that everyone was looking forward to was the running race!  Remember when you were in elementary school and we just loved to run??...where did that energy go? LOL

I had been looking forward to this race all day, and I knew there really would only be one girl to beat.  Today I don't even remember her name!  But I knew that she was considered one of the "fast girls", and that day she was my only focus (yes...I was only 5).  So the race started, and at that point I was just bound and determined to get off to a good start and keep up with the "fast girl".  I remember coming up to the last turn...still pretty neck in neck but she had a slight lead on me.  There was a moment when this feeling of angst came over me which then turned into fear when I realized there was a possibility that I could lose.  It was in that moment I remember kicking it up another notch, and giving it everything I had, because there was NO WAY I was letting this girl beat me.  Well, the extra umph helped and I was the winner...I had "won the race".  A huge sense of relief came over me in that instant...followed by joy and happiness of course, and probably a sting of pride, that I was at the time considered the fastest girl in Kindergarten!  I know...not much of a title, but at the time I was thrilled, and looked forward to having my name announced on the announcements the next day as the winner of the race.

After that race, I think the feeling of anxiety and fear I experienced in the midst of it somehow bottled itself up in me and I never forgot that moment, and I was bound and determined to never experience that feeling again.  This resulted in some very stressful and sometimes painful moments in my life in regards to sports, education, relationships, and life in general.  However, one of the biggest (and worst) consequences (in my opinion) that comes from my perfectionism is the fact that there have been many moments in my life that I have decided NOT to do something because of my fear of failure and desire to be perfect.  If I'm not confident in it, and I'm not sure I can "win" or "be perfect in it" then why even try?  Because if I don't try then I won't even have a chance of experiencing that horrible feeling of angst and fear I had that day back in Kindergarten.

You see...the saying "Practice makes perfect" sets and expectation...that if I practice I will reach perfection.  Sure this motivates some people, but for me it only results in disappointment when perfection is never reached.  Because here's the big secret...."NO BODY'S PERFECT"!!!  Whew....feels good to say that!

I experienced a different side this week.  You see, with my husband being gone the house is my responsibility.  This means the yard is also my responsibility.  This was never something I even thought of when Austin was home because he is Mr. Yard!  With him taking care of things we have one of the best looking yards in the neighborhood...nice striped mowing lines and all!  Austin taught me how to mow before he left for Florida.  Now...I know how to mow, but I don't know how to mow our yard in "Austin Style".  So I had to learn.  This week was my first week doing this.  I've never ever offered to mow for Austin before, because I knew there was no way it would be perfect enough or live up to his mowing expectations.  Going into the mow this week, I had super low expectations...I'm not a mower, I don't do well walking in straight lines (no jokes please), and the last time I mowed a yard I went around in circles on a riding mower!  So needless to say I had ZERO expectations going into this mow, and I knew there was no way that I would be perfect at it, but I knew that I needed to start sometime and the more I do it the better I will get...I will never be as good as Austin (which in my book is perfection when it comes to his mowing skills), but I will get better.

I could go on and on about how perfectionism has affected my life, but this blog is already long enough!  So to the Lesson Learned part:

I have to "win" in the race of life because Christ has already won the race for me!  1John4:4 "But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world."

Lord, I never want to again miss an opportunity that you have put in my path because of my desire to be perfect and my fear of failure.  Help me to always remember the sacrifice Christ made on my behalf in my moments of anxiety, doubt and fear.  Write Your words on my heart, "Well done, good and faithful servant."  And help me to always remember that we will always have victory in You. Thank you for sending Your Son to die, to fix and forgive all of my imperfections....Lord....Lesson Learned!

A picture of the yard after the mow...ignore the dry spots I've been watering it like crazy, it's just WAY too hot and dry here in Indiana!

Put it in Perspective!

Okay...first official blog, and a first BIG lesson learned!  I apologize ahead of time, because I'm not much of a writer.  So really none of my blogs will be very eloquently written, and I'm sure you can expect spelling errors and improper english/puncuation.  I pulled B+'s and A-'s in English...I'm a CPA, so Math was certainly my strong point!!!!  So now that I have my disclaimer out of the way....to the blog!

This weekend of July 4th was a big one for my husband and I.  My husband (Austin and I will be referring to him) has recently accepted a job in Florida!  We live in Indiana, and so does the rest of our family, so this is a big move for us that we had to take before the Lord for about 4 months before we really felt comfortable in making the decision...but God is good and kept opening doors for us, so we took that as a "yes". 

So Thursday of last week Austin and I piled his clothes in a car and made the 17-18 hour trek down to the sunshine state.  We had a great road trip.  We split it up into 2 days and had a great time taking pictures the whole way down on our phones and keeping our friends on facebook updated on the trip and our progress.  So Friday afternoon we arrived at our final destination Naples, FL at a home in which Austin's company is graciously putting him up in a wonderful (big) home that the company owns (and pretty much operates like a hotel for the company) for the time being until I'm able to move down there.  So before I get into the details...here's a bit of a background on me:

I set expectations....HIGH expectations (this is an entire other blog for Lessons Learned, but it has something to do with this Lesson Learned.  Goals are great...but high expectations, not so good for me the perfectionist!

So, we arrive at the house (that I've never seen before)...we pull up and there's a truck in the driveway...instantly Austin says, "Who's here?  There's not supposed to be anyone here this weekend?" (Literally they keep a schedule for this house, because there are a lot of people coming a going, but we were supposed to have the house for the weekend).  So we walk in and there's someone there.  A nephew of the owner was moving, and storing a lot of his stuff there that he planned on moving out sometime over the weekend, and he had been staying there from the looks of it.  Apparently he was as shocked as we were to see him, because he didn't realize that we would be moving Austin in that weekend.  In the end he only needed to stay there one more night (not a big deal...it's a big house)...so it was fine, but for me (and my expectation setting self) I was frustrated and a bit weirded out!

On top of that, I expected this home that's used like a hotel to be spotless clean (silly high expectations!) It was probably clean enough for most people (Austin wouldn't have touched a thing if I hadn't been there).  I'm not a neat freak by any means; however, there's something about living in a bit of your own filth versus the filth of someone you don't even know!!!  So...since I felt the need to get out of the house, we made our first trip to the store to get some cleaning supplies! 

While we were at the store picking out some bathroom essentials, and cleaning supplies (and plenty of glad plug-ins and air freshners!) my Dad called me.  He owed me a call back, so I was expecting to hear from him, but at the point in time when he called my frustration was at a high.  He asked how things were going, and well I was pretty honest with him.  My father is the KING of perspective!  I can remember all of the touch times I've had in my life, and each time I've discussed them with my Dad I've walked away from the conversation feeling convicted and having put things back into perspectives.  Little did I know this would be another one of those sweet times!

The main reason my dad called is because one of my best friend's dad just passed away this week (it's been an emotional week...losing her dad and moving my husband away).  Well I wasn't able to go to the funeral because of the move, but my dad was able to go, and I wanted to hear how it went.  So after my frustration burst he did the right thing by telling me to calm down, but changing the subject to why he had called.  As we was telling me about the funeral it was sweet to hear how wonderful everything went and how many beautiful stories were told about my friends Father.  I laughed a lot remember some of the great stories, and teared up a bit thinking of how my friend was hurting.  So once he updated me on everything he came back to my little frustration burst.  He reminded me how much I have to be thankful for.  On of my best friend's dad has just passed away, I have an aunt (my dad's sister) who has recently been diagnosed with cancer, and just this week my mom was in Pennsylvania with her as she had her chemo port put in and her first chemo treatment was Friday.  If I really think that a dirty house and some busted expectations are a big deal, then I've got some self-reflection that really needs a good evaluation!  Wow!  Did Jesus ever shine through my Dad in that moment (as He has many other times in my life). 

His words reminded me of Paul in the Bible who suffered the worst of circumstances (being imprisoned for his faith) and yet the entire time kept an amazing perspective on life and eternity that could only come through the Power of Christ Himself!!!  For a brief example check out 2 Timothy 1:6-12...Paul wrote this letter to Timothy while he was imprisoned...and under some pretty horrible circumstances (at least I know they worse than the messy house and unexpected guest!)  How small I felt for overreacting and not putting things into persepctive first.  God has opened some great doors for Austin and I...whom am I to throw a pitty party for myself because I had expectations that weren't met! 

I'm thankful to my Dad who has never failed in life to speak truth into me just at the right times.  He is a man of faith and I am so thankful for his example and wisdom in my life (as I am with both of my parents).  And I'm thankful to Paul, who despite his circumstances was able to keep an amazing eternal perspective on life and counted his blessings until the end. 

Here is a picture that Austin would not be happy that I'm posting...but it's a dead lizard we found in the house when we got there!



At the beach Friday evening...after the phone call with my dad, seeing and feeling God's creation was reaffirming and gave me so much peace!!



Lord, forgive me...forgive me for allowing a worldly struggle, like setting expectations, get in the way of me understanding an seeing the blessings all around me.  I pray that I will never again forget to count the blessings in my life, and I will always remember the example set by Paul.  That through You I can have the strength to survive any situation and no situation is out of your control.  "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  I pray you will remind my heart to keep things in perspective the next time I feel defeated.  You are my Hope and I'm thankful that I have eternity to look forward too...everything next to that seems irrelevant!  Help me to always put my situations into an eternal perspective....Lord....lesson learned!